Bubbly Thoughts

She closed the door of her room behind her and sat on the bed. Gazing at the circular print on her carpet, she felt the world spin. Closed her eyes. It was still spinning. She felt so tired and overwhelmed, and in need of some solace. On her way back home, she secretly bought a pack of cigarettes. And though she was not a smoker, it felt like her blood was craving for some nicotine. Reached to her pocket and took out the pack and the newly bought lighter. She took out a cigarette and with her shivery hand moved it towards her pale lips. When she lit it up and took the first drag, it was as if she was born a smoker. Her whole body relaxed as the poison went through her lungs into her blood stream. After a while, she realized that the window was the only source of light. She stood up and opened it a bit. The cold breeze playfully moved her hair. The smell of moist tickled her nose as she took another drag on her soon-to-finish cigarette. When she finished it, she threw it outsi...

That day, her eyes opened with the first beam of sunlight. As soon as she woke up, she smiled. "Today is not like any other day", she thought. She sat upright in her bed and had a good look around. Her pink colored room felt different. She didn't know how different, but she just knew that she is already detached. Went to the kitchen to see her mom, who was washing the dishes. Gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and ran to get ready for the day. She put on jeans and a t-shirt then went to her closet to get her dress. There was something about that dress. Whenever she saw it, her heart starts beating fast. She smiled and held it gently and went on her way. The day started early, but it will soon end, and then, things will never be the same again. Treated like a celebrity throughout the day at the hair dresser's, accompanied by her best friend who made the hours feel like minutes, it was time to put on her white dress. She went to the dressing room as an ...

I wish I was born a boy To play with bicycles and dirt instead of dressing up a toy It’s cooler to pretend to be a pirate with one leg Than a mommy who cooks pancakes, bacon, and eggs! Boys at school didn’t have to study They made fun of teachers and had fights that turned bloody They were able to party and stay out late While us girls begged to come back home at eight And when they graduated from school Some went to the US, some to Canada, others to Istanbul It didn’t matter what major they select As at the end it all had the same effect It’s ok if guys smoke, drink, or even have a joint Or even be arrested or stopped at a checkpoint A divorced man is said to be more experienced That next time he can do it right without interference   Their limit is the sky No one judges them or gives them a look with an eye They have the power, will, and freedom And they live in a fancy starlit kingdom Guys might argue and say their ...

It’s a long road ahead Sometimes its black sometimes it’s red No matter how far you try to reach, it pulls you back to where you should be And that is never where you wanna be!   Angels and demons.. men left dreamin’ Women weepin’.. hearts bleedin’ Leaves you wandering in endless hollow loops And turns all of you into deceived stupid dupes! They tell you things should get better That it only takes a prayer To quiet down volcanoes and stop fury tornadoes But time has only proved that with days our hearts are grooved Volcanoes and tornadoes start from within us Where bones and flesh used to be Hearts are turned to ashes, and thus Souls have no other choice but to flee   Living in a hollow place like this And some tell you “come on! It’s bliss!” We have to bear all the torment Never dream of feeling content Fifty years along the road We’ll all take a bow and have a new abode And until all this parade is ...

Her heart started beating fast as his hand sneaked towards hers. He took her hand in the warmth of his. She did not know what to do. Her whole body stood still; she did not even want to breathe, for fear that he would stop. His fingers embraced hers, and their palms met. It was him who was leading the moves, she just surrendered. A million thoughts started hovering in her head. Her mind was telling her she should stop him, but her whole body was hypnotized. He moved a little bit closer. She felt the chill move up her back, her breath became so weak as if her lungs are no longer able to function. She sighed in hope of getting more air. By that time, his head was on her shoulder. She tried to look at him without turning her head. She did not want to interrupt whatever was going on. She only saw his brown hair and the tip of his nose, then tried to take another deep breath. When she did, the fresh smell of his hair teased her senses. She wished she could take him in her...

Yesterday I took my kids and their friends out. Went to those indoor places where they have all sorts of activities for kids. While I was sitting there watching them play, suddenly the music in the background caught my attention. They were playing kindergarten songs. These songs are my favourite. I memorized them all since I was in preschool. Itsy bitsy spider.. Row row row your boat.. The wheels of the bus go round and round.. Head shoulders knees and toes. How reminiscent! The songs took me back in time.. 25 years back! Funny how I am one of those people who remembers things from as young as 3 years old. I started remembering my classroom; we were the carebears. We used to sit down in a circle listening to the teacher read us stories.. How the early sun used to shed its golden rays down on us from the window. I remembered the smell of crayons and the play dough. How we used to play outside in the sand. I remembered our voices while in the playground. How happy we were.. how l...

So now, with my new life, things are different. The kids don't sleep with me on weekends anymore. This is still new to me. They only went twice, and it is not easy! Last Thursday, got an unexpected sms from my ex asking to have the kids sleep over on Thursday night instead of Friday night. As I was not mentally prepared for this, I got anxious. I went straight home after work and gave the kids a bath and prepared their bag. I was too emotional. I kept on hugging and kissing them over and over again. One time, Faris, my eldest, was like: mom, that is enough, I'm coming back tomorrow! It strikes me how a five year old can be so wise.. I was walking back and forth in the house waiting for the missed call. I checked and rechecked that they have everything in their bags. And every time I walk by one of them, I kiss or hug him. Then, my phone rang. I was trembling from the inside! I was talking to myself "It's ok Nouran. They will be back before you know it.. It...

Sitting in my bed after the kids went to sleep. I had a quick look around the room. Nothing was different, but everything has changed. It's a mixture of feelings. The room feels bigger, more comfortable, and quieter, yet it also gives a pinch of bitterness and sorrow. Holding my cup of tea in my hands so tight trying to feel warm, I looked at the door. I was able to imagine him coming in with his laptop; I was able to feel his presence. I even smelled his perfume. It's weird how the mind is able to register all these things. And how they reappear when you least expect them to. I had a sip of my tea, then I stared at the walls for a minute. I was trying to test myself. I wanted to see if I’m hurt. I haven't had any emotional breakdown since the divorce, and I just don't think it's right. Tried to remember a good moment. Because the end was ugly, it took me a while to think of one. Then I remembered the first time we went out together. It was...

Sitting in a coffee shop on a cold winter day, sipping hot chocolate... watching people passing by the window.. all grasping their jackets so tight as if they are scared to lose them.. watching their faces.. A handsome young boy with his backpack and worn off jeans.. his red sweatshirt and black woollen hat.. running to catch the bus.. An old lady walking her dog.. how happy her dog is! jumping and fooling around.. A cute little girl holding her mom's hand with her bunny-like gloves.. how her mom's eyes glow while she talks to her.. how the girl's face lit up when her mom gave an approving smile.. Two boys and one girl standing at the next corner.. I smiled.. I can see one of the boys admiring the girl while she is not watching.. his eyes are sinking in hers.. then I saw him looking at her hair when the wind blew it.. How lucky.. he is still able to have that childish love.. where your heart pounds so hard when you are together.. where you become breathless if someo...

Hi all... Well I have created this blog to share my "bubbly" thoughts with people, instead of sharing them with myself. This way, I can have comments and feedback from you.. and at the same time, I will have a saved copy of my so called "bubbly" thoughts, instead of wasting them in thin air.. :) so.. here we go!